[Love Wants Sex Series 298]Sexual hobbies can help sex as long as you don’t hurt yourself or others

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Transcript: Liang Yingxiu

(Kuala Lumpur) Sex fetish, also known as sexual preference, refers to a person’s strong attraction to a specific sexual behavior or object.

However, sexual hobbies are not equal to sexual perversions. For example, when sex is about to climax, suddenly asking the other party to call out other people’s names may be just a special sexual hobbies.

everyone has a special preference

Master Zeng Huansheng, a sex counselor, found that Chinese characters are very interesting when looking through the information.

The radical of the word “addiction” in “addiction” is the side of the word “疒” (pronounced chuang),

In the evolution of Chinese characters, the side of the word “疒” represents sickness.

Try to think about it, when we write the word “bed” for a mattress, we add two dots to the left hand side, and it becomes a person, so, traditionally, this word is like “a person lying sick in bed” a Chinese character.

It might be confusing why he mentions this, but he says it’s an important point because when we use the word “hobby,” we’re already assuming that it’s a Illness is a perverted behavior; this makes it easy for people to view a person’s sexual preferences from a negative perspective.

He pointed out that this idea is not helpful for the pursuit of good sex, but if we can think about it carefully, in fact, everyone will have some preferences in sex. When you are young, teasing others or yourself with long hair will make you feel particularly excited.

How to generate preference is unclear

“There are also some people who especially like short hair, because they worry that they may accidentally eat each other’s hair when kissing; some people especially like girls with a certain figure, and this figure is not necessarily the aesthetic view recognized by the public; some people like Partners can take the initiative; some like to be passive; some people will ask their partners to put on underwear or stockings during sex to increase their excitement.

So, when it comes to sex, everyone more or less has their own particular preferences, but somehow, is it a problem?

The problem, he says, comes when a partner can’t accept a partner’s sexual proclivities.

There are many kinds of sexual hobbies, the more common ones are foot fetishes, fetishes such as some underwear, stockings and high heels, etc. In terms of methods, some people may suddenly say some dirty words during sex, or like to have sex on the phone or on the Internet , which is easier to have pleasure.

During his counseling career, many people have asked Zeng Huansheng, how did sexual obsessions arise?

He said that the research in this area is indeed very limited, and in many cases there is no way to study it. In psychology, the closest statement or theory is the so-called classical conditioning (also known as Pavlovian conditioning, response constraints).

“The theory is that how we feel or respond can be influenced by the environment to change or learn.”

One of the most classic experiments in psychology is Pavlov’s Dog Experiment (Pavlov’s dog experiment). This experiment is very simple: a dog is found, and when the experimenter gives the dog food, he also shakes his hand Bell, the dog will salivate naturally looking at the meat, and repeat the action of ringing the bell when the dog sees the meat: give food, ring the bell, and the dog will start to salivate; then once, The experimenters took the food away first, and then simply rang the bell. It was unexpectedly discovered that the dog would salivate when he heard the bell even when there was no food.

In other words, it is a natural reflex for the dog to salivate at the sound of the bell, with or without food.

The source of excitement in life becomes a hobby

“And another example I want to share with you is that when my wife was pregnant with her second child, she had a lot of uncomfortable nausea and vomiting; TV series, a song will be sung every time a children’s TV series is aired. Today, my second child is born, and my wife is no longer shy, but every time she hears that song, there will be Want to feel nauseous.”

“This is when her brain learns this reaction during this process, even if the source of the original reaction that caused her nausea is gone, she will still have a natural reflex action.”

He points out that sexual proclivities can also be explained in this way, and that whatever causes a person’s sexual preferences may be a past life experience that conflates one’s sexual pleasure or arousal with a person who may not appear to an outsider. Related things, make a learning combination, let him or her discover and say: “Just show me this one thing during sex, and I will feel excited!”

Therefore, this thing was the source of his excitement, and finally formed a hobby.

If a hobby hurts yourself or your partner

Don’t be shy to ask for help

“The other half has a special sexual fetish, what should I do?”

This is a question that many people want to ask but are hard to say.

Zeng Huansheng said that when two people live together, especially when two people share a space, do housework or enjoy food, they will have different living and eating habits. Therefore, whether two people must eat at the same table or not In the shared space, one person must make some adjustments in terms of housework and eating.

Thinking about communication and finding a compromise

“Similarly, when it comes to sex, our perceptions, preferences, and hobbies of sex will also be different. So, is it possible to take this attitude as ‘I love each other, so try to cooperate as much as possible, and be able to make some appropriate What about adjustments?’ This is something to think about and talk about whether there is a compromise.”

He gave an example, if the other half likes girls wearing stockings very much, and feels that there will be special pleasure during sex, and even he likes to tear the stockings. Is it possible to cooperate once in a while without hurting yourself or others?

In fact, if you think about it differently, it can also be a sex modifier between two people. There is one more way and different ways to play it. When the conversation starts, both parties can talk about it, “What do I want my sex to be like? I hope you can cooperate with me in any way!”

Another point is that he thinks it is very important not to try to understand that this sexual preference will appear in the process of discussing each other or face-to-face communication.

Don’t take the effort to think about the starting point

He has seen many clinical cases, but there is no logic at all, and there is no need to ask the other party hard, why do you have such a habit? In many cases, even the person involved does not know or understand how the hobby appears.

He felt that instead of spending too much energy thinking about the starting point, it is better to spend a little effort thinking about what we can do when we have this disagreement and the way we cannot cooperate with each other.

“I think it’s more worthwhile to spend time, effort and energy on how to cooperate so that the other party has a good sexual experience.”

Finally, he encourages not to be shy about asking for help if you find yourself or your partner has some preferences or idiosyncrasies that really hurt you. The job of the counselor is to make the client feel at ease, in a non-judgmental environment, so that the client can feel at ease to express their ideas or their own problems. If possible, find a professional with a background in sexology or sex education Come and ask for help.

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