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[Love and Sex Series 343]Learn to protect your body through parents’ example and talk about sex with your children without being embarrassed or afraid to ask questions

[Love and Sex Series 343]Learn to protect your body through parents’ example and talk about sex with your children without being embarrassed or afraid to ask questions

Transcript◆Liang Yingxiu

(Kuala Lumpur News) In fact, rather than avoiding talking about sex, parents who openly talk about it and spread correct knowledge can help their children understand themselves. During the parenting period and childhood, it is of positive significance to start sex education in an appropriate way in line with the child’s psychological development. It can not only increase the child’s concept of protecting himself and respecting the bodies of others.

Guiding children through adolescence

Sex educator Zheng Zhenshan said that the psychological education of young children is a very important topic. As parents, we must let our children know how to protect their bodies.

For example, when bathing a child, she can use a relaxed tone to explain to the child where the private areas that others cannot touch are; how to avoid being sexually harassed by strangers on the way to school or home; and on the front of the body. In terms of impressions, when discussing sexual organs, parents should explain it to their children with a positive and open attitude and correct proper nouns, and avoid vague and embarrassing expressions, or the use of words such as penis or butt instead.

“Because of this, it is easy for children to feel that sex is very negative and taboo. Therefore, children must understand that sexual organs, like other parts of the body, need to be respected, protected and affirmed.”

She said that when children gradually enter adolescence, parents can focus their sex education on self-identity and building their children’s self-esteem, self-affirmation and affirmation of others.

“When adolescent children begin to experience emotional ups and downs, increase self-awareness, experience rapid physical changes, become curious about the opposite sex, and laugh at each other between men and women, parents’ attentive companionship and guidance can help children experience adolescence more smoothly. , it can help children understand that true love is care, responsibility, respect and understanding.”

“We all know that complete sex education should include three levels: physical, psychological and social. In addition to using these methods to let children understand the physiological and psychological changes of sex, it is more important for parents to let children learn from it through their parents’ example. To learn.”

Some parents told Zheng Zhenshan: “I know the importance of sex education, and I agree that parents at home should learn to talk to their children, but why is there no sex education content in Malaysia’s national education?”

Don’t rely entirely on teacher education

She revealed that sex education in Malaysia has been included in the health education discipline. The Ministry of Education currently mainly implements sex education in primary and secondary schools. According to the information of the Ministry of Education, the content of sex education in primary schools is mainly divided into health, reproductive organs and social education. So why can’t we rely solely on school teachers to teach children sex education? Because sex education not only involves the physical level, but also includes the teaching of morals and values.

“Parents can discuss sexual behavior with their children to help children form positive sexual values ​​based on the relationship between respect, responsibility and mutual care; in addition, providing information based on children’s sexual education needs and levels is a large-scale issue in schools. The education model is difficult to meet the individual needs of each student. In addition, children may encounter sexual problems and challenges outside of school. If they only rely on the sex education provided by the school, they may miss timely information and Help.”

The most important thing is that sex education should be comprehensive, including physical, psychological, social and moral knowledge. Sex education should be a cooperation between families and schools, and should not rely entirely on the education of school teachers.

Parents play a vital role in educating their children about the moral, cultural and values ​​of sexuality, while schools can serve as a complement by providing physical and sexual health knowledge. This collaboration can help children receive comprehensive, accurate and individualized education. sex education.

Don’t know how to ask for help when encountering sexual harassment

For example, she said her parents were obscene about talking about sex and never thought that their children needed to learn sex education. Therefore, she almost grew up in an environment lacking sex education during her childhood.

“When I was a kid, I didn’t really know much about sex.

When encountering sexual harassment, you still don’t know how to ask for help.

I remember that a familiar male elder, who would be a primary school student like me,

His big hands caressed my inner thighs while he held me naked in his arms and asked me questions;

I felt extremely uncomfortable at the time.

And I finally told my mother,

But she only said one thing: ‘Uncle loves you! ‘

I didn’t say a word after hearing it, and it wasn’t until I grew up that I realized this was sexual harassment. “

Because everyone has a deep or shallow sense of shame about sex education, it wasn’t until they became parents and their children asked questions about sex that they discovered the feeling of missing sex education, which is like a compulsory sex education subject in life. , we have already graduated before taking the exam.

At this time, parents are already on the road to educating their children, but they are still discovering and learning. How can parents not be confused and afraid?

Speaker: Zheng Zhenshan, sex educator

Respect children’s curiosity

Answer questions honestly

First of all, when parents first ask “sex”-related questions to their children, they should have an open and respectful attitude and answer the questions candidly instead of feeling embarrassed or angry; when parents can show respect for their children’s curiosity, the children will I feel that it is acceptable to discuss sex with my parents, so I indirectly encourage them to take the initiative to discuss sex issues.

Zheng Zhenshan said that what worries many parents is not that they are not honest enough, but that they are worried about their lack of sexual knowledge and feel that they are not prepared enough and will mislead their children. For example, the daughter asked her mother: “What is the purpose of a condom? Apart from its contraceptive function? Are there any other benefits?”

Don’t be accusatory in your tone

If the mother feels that she cannot answer the question immediately, she can actually tell her daughter frankly: “Mom knows that condoms have a contraceptive function, but she is not sure whether it has other benefits. Why don’t we spend time together to learn about insurance?” Set.” In this way, the mother can accompany her child to research and find answers to ensure that the information she provides is accurate; she can also research the problem with her daughter to understand why her daughter asked this question, and teach her daughter to find the correct answer through chatting Sex education methods, such as reading sex education books and watching information videos with medical or scientific answers.

“Parents have good sexual attitudes and knowledge reserves, but they often fall into the trap when it comes to conversations, especially when parents may unknowingly use accusatory words in their tone when discussing sexual topics with their children. , which makes the child feel very uneasy and does not want to continue discussing this topic with his parents, so the most important thing about all discussions and understandings is not the rich knowledge of sex education that parents have, but the parent-child relationship.”

A harmonious and respectful way of getting along and listening to children’s problems and concerns instead of blaming and criticizing are key factors in children’s willingness to seek support and guidance from their parents.

Dinner time is the best time to talk about sex

What is the best situation to discuss sexual issues? Zheng Zhenshan said that dinner time is usually the most relaxing time for his family. Everyone shares what interesting or unfortunate things they have encountered throughout the day. When the child feels comfortable, safe and natural, he can openly ask his questions.

For example, when her daughter shared with her one day about a classmate’s puppy love at school, she said, “When our school discovers a classmate’s puppy love, they will be given a demerit and they will also meet with their parents. In fact, if the classmate can study well, can they talk about it? What about love? In order to pursue this girl, his grades this year have been very good, and it is not at all like the teacher said that falling in love will affect his studies! “

When the child mentioned this issue, she started to discuss with the child what puppy love is. Besides adults worrying about the impact of classmate falling in love on their studies, what else do children worry about? First listen to the children what they think and what they think can be done? Only in this way can we achieve both love and study.

“This kind of open discussion has respect, knowledge communication and practical skills at the right time. It also has the necessary factors for good family sex education, ensuring that sex education can be effectively communicated.”

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