【Love Wants Sex】Less talk about truth and more company to help children get out of emotional pain

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Transcript: Liang Yingxiu

When a child is sick, parents can take him to see a doctor, what about broken love?

As a parent, can you just stand by and watch him feel sad? What can parents do when their children lose their love? How to accompany him through the sad days?

(Kuala Lumpur News) The German poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, which teenager does not fall in love? Which girl is not pregnant? It is a beautiful thing for young people to appreciate and like each other. There are many great novels and poems in the world, which are also produced because of beautiful emotions.

But how can everything in the world go as expected? Just as we occasionally get sick, fall when walking, or get injured when playing ball, children may also encounter setbacks in the process of falling in love, that is, break up in love!

The 5 stages of falling in love

Cai Xiuqin, a teacher and sex educator at Peifeng Secondary School in Malacca, revealed that when children are sick and injured, as parents, we can help them apply medicine and take them to the doctor; but what can we do for children who are broken in love? At this time, we also need to be by their side and silently accompany them through the process of grief.

Ending a relationship is actually a loss of emotion. Just like facing death, you will also go through the stage of grief. Children go through the following 5 stages when they break up in love:

Stage 1 – Denial.

Children may not be able to accept the fact that they have lost their relationship. What they often say are: “We can’t break up!”, “Aren’t we always good?”, “The other party should just be impulsive, and tomorrow we will be reconciled.” etc.; there are also some children who experience numbness and insensitivity, and it may take a while before the grief of losing a relationship appears.

Stage 2 – Anger.

Children will feel that the world is unfair to them. “Why am I the one who broke up in love and not someone else?” They will even anger the people around them, and sometimes they will vent their anger on themselves, thinking that they are not doing well enough to maintain a relationship.

The third stage – pleading, or so-called bargaining.

The child may beg the other party, hoping that the other party will give him another chance, or he may make a lot of promises to the other party in order to restore the old relationship.

Stage 4 – Frustration.

Children may experience emotional lows, feel depressed, hopeless, and even doubt the value and significance of their own existence; children may also experience poor eating, sleeplessness, or even failure to study hard.

Stage 5 – Acceptance.

This is usually the last stage of grief, however after this stage, it does not mean that the child will feel good, but he or she has realized that things are history and there is no way to go back to the past, only to accept the fact that the love was broken , trying to let myself slowly recover from the rhythm of life disrupted by a broken relationship.

Pay attention to feelings and don’t talk about the truth of life

Parents know the process of grief. Although there is no way for their children to get out of the broken relationship immediately, they can understand their children’s inner world and understand what they need? How can you help them? Let’s talk about a few specific ways to accompany you in more depth.

First of all, parents must talk less and spend more time with their children, and quietly observe what they can do for their children to make him more comfortable. At this time, they should take care of his emotions instead of rushing to tell him the truth of life.

She points out that when children are in denial, anger and frustration, they need emotional support, not education.

“At this time, don’t tell the lovelorn child ‘There is no grass in the end of the world’,

‘It’s not worth being sad for someone who doesn’t love you’ etc.,

This will only make the child feel that his parents don’t understand love, so how can he speak his mind?

And don’t tell your children, ‘Breaking up in love is just a small thing in life and it’s not worth being sad’,

Because for a child, what he is currently experiencing is the major events in his life at this stage. “

We must pay attention to children’s feelings. Parents can tell their children: “I know you are very sad now, and I know that breaking up with you is a big blow to you. Mom and Dad just want you to know that we are very distressed and miss you. Help, if there is anything you want to say, we are all willing to listen. We hope to be with you through this difficult time, you are not alone, you have us, no matter what happens, you are in our hearts is the most important!”

These words will let the child know that he has enough emotional support from his family. Even if he is sad, at this time he has the courage and confidence to deal with the problem in his heart.

Peace of mind and stable children’s emotions

She reiterated that children understand many things, but they just need time to digest their sad feelings. As parents, you should give your children time and space, and respect the speed at which they grieve their lost feelings. The time it takes for each child to mourn their feelings is different. Some recover in a few days; others may take weeks, months or even years. During this period, if the child is crying, angry, or depressed, we will continue to listen, Accompany them, pat them on the shoulder, hug them, and help him get out of his emotional trough.

With the peaceful mood of the parents, the child’s emotions will be stabilized. After a period of time, the child begins to accept the fact of being broken-up and slowly resumes the rhythm of daily life. The company of the parents will come to an end.

She said that at this time, you can slowly guide the children to think about and discuss the gains and losses of this relationship. We can gently say to our children: “After being sad, what life lessons have you learned from this emotional loss? What have you learned about yourself? What have you learned? What kind of growth have you achieved?”

If possible, parents can also share their emotional experiences and feelings when they were young, and let their children know that gaining and losing are indispensable processes on the road to growth, and from this life path to maturity, I believe that with the company of parents, Children can grow up smoothly from a broken relationship and welcome the next better relationship.

give in advanceemotioneducate

let the child faceinterpersonal challenge

The above link discusses the process of accompanying a child when he or she falls in love, but before falling in love or falling in love, parents can give emotional education in advance, so that he can face the emotional world more calmly in the future and various love challenges that may arise.

Cai Xiuqin pointed out that emotional education is a part of personality education. Children with correct values ​​will have more mature psychological adjustment ability when facing troubles in schoolwork and love.

Enhance children’s ability to resist setbacks

First of all, we must cultivate children’s ability to resist setbacks. In order to reduce the impact of a child’s setbacks, it is necessary to enhance his ability to resist setbacks and teach him to view failures correctly.

“In most cases, it is not the failure itself that brings a huge blow to a child, but his understanding and perception of failure. Let the child know that failure means that we have not done things well, not that we are not good enough. “

“But these experiences are not based on talk, but from daily practice. Therefore, we must let children participate in housework and outdoor activities. From physical activities, we have learned that failure is the normal state of life. , Once they have this understanding, when they encounter emotional setbacks, they will look at the setbacks in love more rationally.”

She said that they will still be sad and sad, but they will not deny themselves because of one failure, thinking that they are worthless or have no value; letting children do more sports is the best way to cultivate children’s frustration tolerance.

“A lot of negative emotions can be properly relieved through a sweaty intense exercise, but this is the most lacking ability of many children. Now fewer and fewer children are willing to exercise regularly. Therefore, helping children Developing a regular exercise habit is an important educational task for modern parents.”

“Secondly, let children have reasonable expectations of love, understand the meaning and value of love from their parents getting along, and know that feelings are based on mutual support and mutual understanding. It also allows children to see the value-added and understanding of parents in the process of getting along , imperfect but tolerant traits, excessive longing for love will make emotional failure particularly unacceptable.”

start over from setbacks

She pointed out that parents have the responsibility to let their children see the beauty and imperfection of love. They can tell children that the process of pursuing love is like completing a jigsaw puzzle. We are looking for a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that can be combined with us. It seems to be suitable from a distance, but it is found to be unsuitable after close comparison. This does not mean that the puzzle piece is not good, but that the piece that belongs to us has not yet appeared.

When the opportunity comes, look for it, and quickly match two suitable pieces of the jigsaw puzzle; when the opportunity does not come, it may take a little longer, but the piece of the jigsaw puzzle that belongs to us will definitely appear; If it doesn’t belong to us and is barely assembled, both of us will be hurt!

“Parents have no way to help their children face all kinds of obstacles and difficulties that may arise on the road of love, but they can help children to store positive energy, let them start again from emotional setbacks, and find the piece of love puzzle that belongs to them in life.”

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