(Kuala Lumpur News) After being married for a long time, such a situation will appear in married life. Apart from talking about children and family trivial matters, I don’t know what else to talk about? Some people even have the idea that marriage is like living in a partnership.
What Zhang Yujin, a doctor of psychological counseling, wants to discuss with you is the coping plan when communication fails. She will first share some factors that hinder people from communicating. In the next issue, we will explore in depth what is effective communication and how to deal with communication barriers.
Body language betrays inner thoughts
She pointed out that communication guidance plays a vital role in the relationship between husband and wife, but communication barriers are unavoidable in our daily life.
“So what is a communication disorder? How do communication disorders occur in everyday life? And how do we deal with them?”
Before understanding communication barriers, she feels that everyone needs to understand what is communication?
“Many people think that communication is limited to speaking and listening, but body language is ignored; in fact, the most important factor is our body language.”
“Why is body language so important?
In fact, our thoughts and feelings,
Will be inadvertently betrayed by body language,
In addition, when many people communicate,
I hope the other person understands what I’m saying.
I feel that I have done my duty by saying what I want to express.
However, it is not,
the words we use to express our position,
expression and tone of voice,
It also helps the other party understand our position. “
She gave a very simple example. When a couple is talking, one party is talking while the other party is looking at the mobile phone. What does this body language express?
In another scene, there is also a couple, sitting in a big swing, not talking much, but only being with each other.
From the interaction between these two couples, what do we see? “These two images reflect the process of communication, not just what was said and what was heard, but also in body language, which also expresses many ways in which two people interact.”
Communication into deep thought exchange
“So to understand the communication barriers in the interaction between husband and wife, we must first understand that communication is not limited to speaking and listening. These two things also include body language, so in the process of communication, what does our body language express? Or What does my body language make the other person feel? This is also very important, and both parties must think together.”
She reminded that in fact, the way of communication is all-encompassing, and it is not limited to one level. “There are several levels of communication. For example, the outermost layer is to talk about daily needs, such as what does the child do at school? What did the child’s teacher say, etc.”
So, how can couples get into the deeper side when communicating? For example, when the wife said what the child did at school, the husband asked, “What is your opinion and idea about what the child did at school?”
In the same way, the wife also talks to the husband in this way, asking him what he thinks, so that the communication between the couple can enter into a deeper exchange of thoughts, emotions and ideas.
Accept each other, share and communicate with each other
She said that to come to this more thoughtful and emotional communication, in fact, both husband and wife must be mentally prepared, which is a spiritual communication. In many cases, there is no right or wrong between the two parties, and in the space of conversation, it is not said that your idea is better, or my idea is worse? Even whose opinion is better or not so wise.
“To be able to come to such an exchange, in fact, mutual acceptance between husband and wife is a very important foundation.”
How can couples accept each other? She emphasized that, first of all, the individual must accept the inner self.
“If husband and wife can share spiritual communication in an atmosphere of self-acceptance and acceptance of each other, this atmosphere will promote another deep communication, that is, each other can truly express their innermost thoughts and feelings.”
In such a space, a very safe form and space of communication is created between husband and wife, allowing each other to have deep spiritual communication.
The most important point of how to promote in-depth communication is to return to what is the acceptance of oneself? And where is the degree of acceptance between each other?
“The promotion of such a kind of communication is actually the direction that couples need to cultivate, build and practice together.”
Say more what the other person wants to hear
Leaving heart disease affecting communication
Some couples deliberately hide their truest thoughts and feelings in order to avoid or fear confrontation. Because of this, when communicating and expressing themselves, they usually say what they think the other party wants to hear.
This is actually a palliative rather than a permanent solution, and it cannot really solve the communication barrier. Instead, it may leave a heartache and affect the next communication.
Sometimes, such an approach will leave the other party with a perfunctory impression. So how to deal with such communication barriers?
Conflicts are inevitable in the relationship between husband and wife
Zhang Yujin pointed out that in the face of such a communication barrier, the couple should know what their mental state is? For example, if both people are very afraid of conflict, this may be their first obstacle to communication.
Therefore, to solve this obstacle, couples must first realize that there is already a layer of thoughts and mental states that are very afraid of conflict in their relationship.
“But in fact, in a couple or in any relationship, conflicts are inevitable. Because everyone comes from different family backgrounds and growth environments, it is inevitable to have different ideas and opinions, and we can really understand that conflicts are What? It’s actually defined as two different opinions and perceptions.”
Good communication relationship needs to be cultivated
“In fact, conflict is the difference and difference between two people. In the process of communication, it is not only what we said similar content, but also the state of mind of the individual is very important.”
“A person’s psychological and spiritual state and how to establish a good communication relationship with others need to be cultivated. Therefore, to cultivate a good communication, it does not mean that I want to hear what the other party says or what I want to hear. feel good.”
In many cases, we should start from a very fundamental point of view, that is, from our own state, to promote communication and cause obstacles. In fact, it is worth thinking about.