[Love Wants Sex Series 311]Instead of opposing it, it is better to have a good talk and remind children that cohabitation is risky
(Kuala Lumpur News) Although the cohabitation of young people has become more and more common, when it falls on the parents, they are often at a loss. Some parents do not agree with cohabitation before marriage, because if they are sure that the other party can be entrusted to them for life, they should marry first and then cohabitate.
Parents need to express feelings and concerns
Zhang Baoyun, a sex educator, said that most parents believe that cohabitation before marriage must be based on the premise of a stable relationship between the two parties; if it is just for reasons such as saving rent and often sticking together, or even conveniently having sex, there is no need to live together. Thinking about committing or planning to get married is what most parents worry about most, because they are afraid that their children will be hurt.
She roughly divides the age of cohabitation into before and after the age of 25: children before the age of 25, because their brain thinking and emotional needs are still not mature enough, they are more emotionally oriented, have a low sense of responsibility, and are self-centered. The central thinking is less able to deal with the occurrence of conflicts, and they are not clear about what kind of partner they should choose. They are often prone to make choices on impulse.
And young people after the age of 25, because their brains have become more mature, they will be more aware of their choices. Most of them choose to live together because they don’t want to be bound by the shackles of traditional marriage, and they enjoy the sweetness of being together; but some people If you want to give birth to the next generation, you will choose to get married.
She said that when talking about cohabitation with children before the age of 25, parents should discuss several issues of cohabitation with him before they object to their children’s cohabitation or fear that they will be harmed later.
“First of all, express your feelings as a parent first, such as caring. When another person joins in, will your daily life be burdened? Will housework cause your body to be too tired? As a parent’s worry, invest in such deep feelings and connections , what if the other party empathizes with another person?”
“Of course, parents can also talk about their own sexual concepts and attitudes. Although you and your children have different concepts, and although you don’t agree with cohabitation, it is still the same to clearly express your love for your children.”
She reminded that when a child insists on living with a boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t feel that it is the end of the world, or that there is a problem with his education, that he is a failed parent.
“If the child really wants to live together, it is more important to remind him to think clearly,
Is cohabitation necessary in a relationship?
If you really want to live together, what preparations should you make first?
You can talk to your children: “What is the purpose of your living together? What are the expectations of both parties for cohabitation? Is marriage a prerequisite and sufficient commitment?”
If the expectations of the two parties are too different, and one party wants to enter the marriage hall but the other party does not, then ask the child how to deal with it and face it? Because if these are not discussed clearly in advance, in the end, one party will feel cheated or hurt.
She emphasized that, in fact, the expectations of cohabitation also include views on independent space, private life circle, finances, and sex.
Don’t give up money-making skills for the other party
“Parents may wish to remind their children that the person with financial power usually has greater power, and he will make the relationship unbalanced, so don’t give up your studies, especially money-making skills, because of the other party.”
In addition, it is necessary to discuss whether to take contraceptive measures. Although cohabitation does not mean intercourse in a broad sense, and sex is a must, parents still worry that their children will have sex; sex is the most difficult thing to talk about between parents and children, unless you are young There are sex education with him, teaching him how to protect himself or respect women, and even the commitment when entering into an intimate relationship.
She believes that if parents find it difficult to speak up, they may wish to seek professional assistance, such as the counselors in the counseling center, who know how to take over the communication with their children or do follow-up professional treatment.
Life depends on saving rent
Reasons for young men and women to live together
In the era of popularization of information, many young people are influenced by TV dramas, movies and even friends around them, thinking that it is normal for men and women to live together after falling in love.
For post-90s and even post-00s, half of the people agree with cohabitation, and they will confidently say, “I’m dating him, why can’t we live together? Only by living together can we see everyone’s true side. You can also learn to accommodate each other, be tolerant and considerate, and you don’t need to wait until you get married to see everyone’s true colors and come to regret it!”
Some children even said: “We all leave home to work in other places. Living together can save rent. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone to take care of you? All my friends will live together after they fall in love!”
Young individualism on the rise
According to the observations of some college teachers, the trend of young men and women living together is becoming more and more popular. After graduating from middle school at the age of 18 to the university at the age of 24, these young people leave home to study or work in different places. If they find a suitable partner during this period, they will often have the idea of living together in a foreign land.
Zhang Baoyun said that the reason why young people choose to live together is that they are both single, and they feel that it is a good thing to have someone who depends on each other in life. “Not only that, in terms of economic benefits, two people share the rent or transportation, which not only saves daily expenses, but also saves a lot of dating time.”
In addition, individualism has risen in recent years, and modern young people want to affirm their own existence value, and even feel that they should grasp their own right to happiness. In fact, these young people are not incapable of thinking. They have their own ideas. They think that since the relationship with male and female friends is stable and they clearly understand the consequences of sexual behavior, why can’t they live together?
Inspiration education makes children think
In Malaysia, 18 years old is an adult. When children become adults, whether they are still studying or have come out to work, parents should establish appropriate boundaries with them and communicate with them continuously.
“If a child does want to live together, as a parent, realize that he has grown up and has to manage his own life and take responsibility for his actions.”
Parents want to maintain the best possible connection with their children. They can talk with their children about cohabitation expectations, pros and cons, and even issues that may conflict.
She said that children want to live together and choose to tell their parents, saying that they want to hear the opinions of adults. Parents can try to communicate with their children on the topic of love, and give their children certain inspiration, education and education through their own growth experience or the situation of living together with relatives and friends. Thinking, even making choices, I hope that through this kind of communication, everyone can reach a satisfactory arrangement in a free atmosphere acceptable to both parties. Of course, more importantly, let the children feel the deep love and care of their parents!