[Love Wants Sex Series 307]Get ready to have a heart-to-heart talk with adolescent children based on love and respect

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Transcript: Liang Yingxiu

When children share life details, some parents seem to find it difficult to relax and constantly check their thoughts and behaviors, making chatting become one-way lectures. They are in adolescence, and they are unwilling to talk to their parents anymore.

In the face of adolescent children, don’t talk about parenting, the first step is to create a reassuring atmosphere, so that they are willing to open themselves appropriately in front of their parents.

(Kuala Lumpur News) During the gathering of relatives and friends, do you often hear the elders exclaiming: “Oh, how come the child has grown so tall after not seeing each other for a year! How old is this year? What? He is 13 years old and has gone to middle school?” How did time go by so fast!” What about exclamations like that?

Secondary sex characteristics appear during puberty

Registered psychological counselor Xie Peiyi pointed out that the children in the family grew up like this before the adults realized it; the little child who was once nestled in the arms has grown into a teenager in the blink of an eye.

Now, is he still willing to hold his parents’ hand and go shopping together? Looking at the child who is slowly becoming an adult in front of you, how do you feel in your heart as a parent?

“Adolescence is a transitional stage in which children grow into adults,

It usually starts at the age of 10 and ends around the age of 20.

When the hypothalamus of the brain begins to release hormones that activate the pituitary and gonadal glands,

Puberty begins, it is a critical stage in life,

Children undergo amazing changes and development both physically and mentally.

The most obvious of these changes is physical development,

The emergence of secondary sexual characteristics also means that he/she has the ability to reproduce,

The frontal lobe of the brain, which is in charge of speculative ability and emotional control, also began to undergo drastic changes. “

Many people will see the various situations of adolescents in adolescence as a manifestation of the development and maturation of the prefrontal lobe. Faced with the obvious changes in the body during adolescence and various sexual issues, how can we, as parents, accompany us with peace of mind?

Be a person your child can trust

In response to this problem, she advised family members with adolescent children that the primary task of facing adolescents is not to be familiar with all kinds of sexual knowledge to guide children, but to prepare from their own hearts. Only adults with inner stability can be more comfortable, Effectively accompany children through adolescence safely.

“So how do I prepare?” Parents asked.

She said that we can ask ourselves several questions from several directions. The first part is the parent-child relationship. “Do I often talk to my children? Is our parent-child relationship close enough?”

Every child’s growth process is unique. We have no way to predict what kind of challenges and collisions we will experience, but if it is from the birth of the child, the relationship between the two parties is close and familiar enough to chat and share comfortably. life, it is relatively easier to discuss issues related to growth or sex during adolescence.

“No matter how old the child is now, as parents, the adults should always practice it, get along with the child with love and respect as the basis, and become an adult that the child can trust and share their feelings!”

Sex Education for Shaping Values

The second part that parents can prepare for is, what is the adult’s attitude towards sex? If you want to talk about sex-related topics with your children, how prepared are you? Are you able to accept your child’s questions comfortably? Would you feel anxious or awkward if you were to talk about it? What are your worries?

She pointed out that parents need to understand themselves first and overcome their inner anxiety before they can talk about these topics properly.

“A lot of times it’s not that children don’t want to talk about it, but they can predict the anxiety and worry of parents. Sometimes they just don’t want to cause these uneasy feelings, and gradually they don’t discuss this type of issues.”

Some parents may feel that they don’t have enough sexual knowledge to teach their children, and they don’t know under what circumstances to talk about it. Some parents may think: “I didn’t talk to my parents about sex-related issues before, so I came here like this!”

In fact, she said, the focus of sex education is not only the transmission of knowledge, but also the shaping of values. What values ​​and attitudes do parents have towards various sexuality-related issues? If you are willing to discuss and exchange views or opinions with your children, the effect of sex education will be more ideal. As long as you can overcome psychological anxiety and awkward feelings, you can not only pass on correct and healthy sexual knowledge, but also make children feel that they are right for them. attention and support.

Don’t choose the perfect time

“Discussing sex-related topics in the family is very random, natural and relaxed. You don’t need to deliberately choose a so-called perfect time. You have to discuss all the topics in one step. If you want to do this , On the contrary, it will cause yourself a lot of pressure, as if there is always a big project waiting for you to complete.”

The psychological preparation that parents can do is: I know that children are going through adolescence. During this critical period of shaping personality and values, it is natural for them to be curious and pay attention to sex-related issues. I can pay more attention to them and pay more attention to them. Keep an eye on current events and discuss relevant topics when we all feel comfortable.

She also revealed that some parents may also worry that if they discuss with their children, will they start to pay attention to this matter and make them want to try instead? In fact, the more parents talk to their children, the more they will know how to speculate, shape their own values, and better understand how to protect themselves.

In fact, whether you discuss it with your children or not, they will still be curious. These ideas will not emerge because parents actively talk about them; nor will they not exist because they keep silent.

“What parents can do is to let their children have sufficient psychological preparation for their own development process, know what kind of changes will occur in the body and cognitive mode, and give more positive views and meanings, so that children can grow up in life. , it will be much smoother.”

help children

meet a better self

For the child, what kind of life does he want?

What kind of intimacy does he want? In the future, he wants to meet a better life, so how can he prepare for it now?

The main axis of sex education is love, respect and responsibility. Parents need to seize this opportunity before their children become adults and help them equip themselves in all aspects. Intimate relationships and attitudes towards one’s own body are different, and there is no perfect model or standard answer.

Experience is more powerful than preaching

“What parents can do is try to help them become a person who knows how to love themselves and others; respect themselves and others; and be responsible for themselves and others.”

Xie Peiyi said that the experience in life will be more influential than simple preaching. How does the child feel about the way parents get along or treat each other, and the interaction between relatives and friends? Can we let children have a certain degree of understanding of “love” in the family? In many cases, what a child experiences will help him construct some imaginations about his future life.

Discussing current events encourages more thinking

As parents, we can properly choose current affairs topics, movies or books to discuss with our children, and encourage them to think and explain more; to express their values ​​to each other, and to maintain an open discussion attitude, so that our children can communicate with each other in this process. In the process, some self-power can be grown.

Adolescence is not necessarily a big storm, it is also a very exciting adventure in the parent-child relationship, I wish you all!

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