[Love is for happiness series 380]Passion fades with the passage of time, gratitude and cherishment are the driving force to maintain marriage

Transcript ◆ Liang Yingxiu

A constant dynamic in a relationship is critical to its longevity. Passion is a key part of that dynamic, however, there is a significant difference between early and late passion over time.

This is not only due to the changing stages of love, but is also influenced by social concepts and personal experiences.

(Kuala Lumpur) In the past, marriage was seen as a long-term and stable commitment. In society, the divorce rate was low and people usually worked hard to maintain their marriages, even when faced with difficulties, they would seek compensation. However, with the changes in modern society’s concept of marriage, especially in the context of divorce becoming more common, people’s choices and handling of marriages have also changed. When problems arise in a relationship, modern people are more inclined to choose to separate and seek their own happiness and space.

The passion and happiness of first love are the strongest

Sex counselor Wu Qiming pointed out that this change means that our emotional choices and love experiences have become more diverse. Modern people may experience multiple relationships, and some even decide to get married after multiple relationships, or choose not to get married after multiple relationships. The passion in these love experiences will also vary as the number of relationships increases.

“When you fall in love for the first time, the passion and happiness are usually very strong, and the longing and anticipation for the other person tend to last longer. After falling in love many times, the duration of this passion will shorten, because familiarity and experience make the expectations of love more realistic.”

Passion in marriage is similarly affected. With the passage of time and experience, passion in marriage may gradually decrease. Research shows that sexual satisfaction is usually highest in marriages less than a year, while satisfaction may decline in marriages over ten years. This does not mean that you should give up on your efforts after a year or two of marriage, but you should understand that relationships require more work and adjustment over time.

“In long-term relationships, the way to maintain passion changes with age and time. When you are young, simple surprises, such as flowers, chocolates, romantic dinners, etc., can effectively enhance the intimacy of the relationship. However, as the relationship lasts longer, these traditional sweet gestures may gradually lose their effectiveness because the other party may no longer be so moved by these surprises, or even respond differently.”

Find new ways to stay close

Therefore, for couples in their 30s or who have been together for several years, maintaining passion in a relationship requires more creativity and adaptability. These people may be more focused on practical needs and deep emotional connections rather than simple material surprises in their relationships. Managing a relationship requires understanding and meeting the needs of each stage and age group, and finding new ways to maintain intimacy and satisfaction.

In short, passion in love and marriage is dynamic. With the increase of time and experience, passion will be expressed in different forms. By actively managing and adjusting the relationship and understanding the needs of different stages, the quality of the relationship can be effectively maintained and improved, so that the relationship can remain healthy and happy at different points in time.

“As we age or as our relationship progresses, the need to maintain passion changes. When we are in the fifth or sixth year of a relationship or marriage, passion takes on a different form; it changes to more than just material needs, it involves a deeper emotional connection.

Increased interaction delays the decline of passion

In a long-term relationship, passion will shift to something more spiritual. Wu Qiming gave an example: “I might want you to come home early, hug me from behind, or take a bath together.”

These actions are no longer just about satisfying material needs, but also about emotional intimacy. As we grow older, we understand better that women need spiritual closeness, while men need physical touch. This understanding helps us meet each other’s needs more intimately, rather than relying solely on external advice or other people’s experience.

Surprises and gratitude also play an important role in relationships. When we surprise someone, we should consider their real needs and preferences, rather than just following a fixed pattern. Similarly, when we receive a surprise, we should learn to be grateful and cherish the other person’s intentions. After a long time of dating, sometimes we take the other person’s efforts for granted, and even make complaints or suggestions. Such an attitude may make the other person feel frustrated, or even give up continuing to make efforts. Therefore, learning to appreciate and cherish the other person’s efforts is an important factor in maintaining a healthy relationship.

As you get older or as you date longer, it’s natural for passion to wane. This is normal, but couples can control the rate at which it wanes. By changing your approach and increasing your interactions, you can slow the decline in passion.

“For example, scheduling regular dates, dinners or movies together can help keep the passion alive in the relationship. Even if work pressures mount or time becomes tight, you can still schedule a weekly or biweekly exclusive date to stay connected.”

Create new experiences and surprises during dates

“For couples in long-term relationships, dating can still include elements of passion. Even if it is not as passionate as seeing each other every day during the first love period, it is still possible to create new experiences and surprises during dating, so that both parties look forward to the next time together. For example, some older couples will arrange exclusive time every Friday. Even if they have children, they will hand the children over to other family members to ensure that this time belongs to the two of them. Such an arrangement can not only promote emotional connection, but also provide physical contact and emotional satisfaction.”

He reminds us that the form of passion will change as we age or as the relationship continues. Understanding and meeting each other’s needs at different stages, maintaining gratitude and cherishment, and actively managing the relationship are important strategies for maintaining passion and happiness. By creating shared experiences and maintaining emotional closeness, we can keep the relationship healthy and vibrant in the long run.

Travel or change of environment Rekindle the spark

In the early stages of a relationship, sex and physical intimacy often take up an important place in the relationship. Each partner will want to hold each other’s hands, want to kiss when they separate, and even be reluctant to let go of each other in a hug.

Wu Qiming pointed out that this kind of intimate physical contact is integrated into every date and becomes part of the emotional expression of each other. However, as time goes by, this kind of intimate interaction tends to decrease and the way of expressing emotions will change accordingly.

Intimacy fades over time

“Some couples still hold hands and hug each other and take selfies to show their affection, but this is not common. For many people, this physical intimacy becomes sparse over time. This may be due to a lack of new excitement and change in the usual dating and life. To keep the relationship fresh and close, sometimes you need to actively create some new experiences, such as traveling together or changing to a new environment occasionally to rekindle the spark.”

However, even in the closest of relationships, emotional outflow may occur. In such cases, one party may return to the original relationship out of guilt, hoping to make amends through continued companionship and atonement. At this time, the victimized party may feel hurt, and although they seem to have forgiven the other party on the surface, they are still filled with shadows and insecurity.

He said that in this case, repairing the relationship is not impossible, but it requires efforts from both parties. First, the emotional outflowing party must sincerely face his or her mistakes and understand the impact of his or her behavior on the relationship. When the other party returns to the relationship, he or she must take practical actions to repair trust, such as taking the initiative to take responsibility for the mistakes and showing sincere remorse.

As for the victim, despite the hurt he or she has experienced, he or she still needs to face it with a forgiving attitude.

He said that there is a difference between forgiveness and forgiveness. Forgiveness is just letting go on the surface, while forgiveness is letting go completely and truly starting over with the other person. Forgiveness means no longer mentioning past pain, but focusing on repairing the relationship in the present and future.

In this process, gratitude and appreciation are very important. When the other party works hard to repair the relationship, the injured party needs to express gratitude, which is not only a recognition of the efforts of both parties, but also helps to promote emotional repair. Even a small amount of gratitude and appreciation can make the other party feel valued, thereby working harder to repair the relationship.

Take proactive action to improve relationships

He reminded that improving relationships is not just about waiting for the other party to work, but about taking the initiative. You can change the status quo by expressing gratitude, actively communicating, and creating new shared experiences. For example, taking the initiative to ask about the other party’s needs and proactively proposing new plans can significantly improve the relationship.

“Maintaining intimacy and affection in a relationship requires effort from both parties.

As time goes by,

Keeping relationships fresh and close requires creating new experiences,

Show gratitude and forgiveness.

Although there will be difficulties in the process of repairing the relationship,

But through sincere communication and positive efforts,

Rebuilding relationships is possible.”

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